Guide To Procrastinate

I know, I know… you’re probably wondering how does one need a guide to procrastination. Yet this is something a majority of my friends have difficulty doing. It’s not as simple as just don’t do it (well, maybe it is). There’s a lot of rules. Just to make sure you’re not screwed over.

1. Let go. Honestly. Just let go. Don’t worry about it. Just go ahead and do nothing. You will thank me later.

2. Plan ahead. I know this constitutes doing something, but the whole point of procrastination is to get stuff done, just later than usual. This means you have to finish that essay on time. You just start it later than others.

3. Get distracted. Go eat, sleep, browse, watch some explicit material. Do whatever. Just not the work itself.

4. Be sure to watch Epic Tree Friends. I think they should put that show in TV.

5. Never get to the point. Getting to the point doesn’t help you procrastinate. I mean, if we all got to the point, then conversations would be a lot shorter. Like the convos between Edward and Charlie. Short. And brief. It make’s no sense. If you try this…stuff happens. People begin to actually understand you. It will be like a whole new world, and the next thing you know, you are actually singing A Whole New World. Just don’t get to the point.

6. Really? Just go ahead. Beware of parents hounding down.

Random fact: I procrastinated writing this for three whole weeks. Partly because I had a shitload of homework to do. But also because I learnt to prioritize. So go ahead, procrastinate.

Guide to Living With Brown Parents

This is not something I’d normally do, but I actually have a half hour to do this. So anyways, here’s a guide to Living With Brown Parents

 

1. Never, ever, wake up late when you will have guests over.

2. Always have Dictionary.com open.

3. If you are listening to the radio in the car, and your parents start talking over the song, turn it off.

4. Eat your roti on time.

5. Be prepared to play 20 questions if you’re 2 minutes late. And god help you if you’re more than 15 minutes late.

6. Never let them add you as friends on Facebook. That’s like digging your own grave.

7. Don’t ever make a noise when they are on the phone. The aftermath is gruelling.

8. If you have a younger sibling, be prepared to get ignored at any and all family events. You’re non-existent. If you are the younger one, go die in a hole.

9. If they come up with the weirdest excuses as to why you are late, don’t say a word. They will use it against you.

10. Ace all your tests, I repeat all.

11. If you need sleep, but can’t because you have people over, stay awake. They will hound you the morning after for ‘blatant disrespect’.

12. Don’t use calculators.

13. Always answer the door. It’s your fault if the house gets robbed.

14. Always watch the  movies they make you watch. Even if Rahul and Sonia have had a happy ending 3 times already. Even if you already saw it. Just watch it.

15. Eat your pakoras.

16. Always eat at weddings. Don’t eat at the reception party.

17. Always socialize at the reception party. Don’t do this at the wedding.

18. Chances are, your mom and dad or your grandmom and granddad have already chosen a life partner for you.

19. Move out by the time you’re 18. Seriously.

20. Never argue with them.

 

Hope this doesn’t help. It sort of works. I mean, brown parents are so unpredictable.